It is not uncommon for a new parent to express some or all of the following:

“There’s no time for us.”
“Our sex life is dead.”
“You don’t care about me anymore.”
“Our lives as we knew them are over.”

It’s impossible for any one person to be totally prepared when becoming a parent. The impact a new child has on your relationship, the changes in your lifestyle you will need to make, the new responsibilities you will take on, the love, the pain, the tears, and the joy are simply too random to predict. In essence, you don’t know what you don’t know until you know!

And yet, ironically, it’s taboo to complain about being a parent:

“If I say I’m unhappy that means I’m a bad mother. People are going to judge and criticize me.”

“If I tell my partner I still need her attention and love, I’m going to be perceived as selfish or childish.”

The rationalizations for not talking about your new role as a parent are endless. However, the responsibilities of parenthood are tremendous and can at times be overwhelming. As a consequence, the relationships between two parents often gets put on the back burner. And as time slips away the stage becomes set for distance, withdrawal, and resentment in response to the frustration and disappointment at the loss of “what once was.” This can happen in so many ways and to many different degrees.

And yet, there is so much you can do to help prevent or deal with what comes up in your experiences. Being parents and being a couple are not mutually exclusive. Sure, it’s necessary to change, adapt, and sacrifice certain things, however, parents need to protect their relationship and cherish what they have if they are to give their best to their children.

Choosing to focus on your relationship and coming for therapy is a way of reclaiming the couple.

I offer individual, couple, and/or group therapy to help parents deal with challenges specific to parenting, as well as issues that come up in new parents’ relationships. Don’t put it on the back burner any longer. Call or email to arrange for an initial consultation.

Face it, when the honeymoon ends, two people full of expectations, fears, hopes, and disappointment may find that the same things that attracted each to each other end up driving them crazy.

The truth is, every person brings his or her own baggage to his or her respective relationships. It’s inevitable. Over the years we have filled our trunks with those things that comfort, protect, or shield us from the world around us. And, while the size and contents of these parcels may vary from person to person, getting to the bottom and unpacking our baggage is essential for real growth to take place.

Working on our relationships very much concerns this unpacking process.

Working on relationship issues involves identifying and understanding intrapersonal issues (what we have in our own bags), and interpersonal issues (what happens when you put two sets of luggage together). Inevitably, there will be things that complement each other, as well as elements that cause friction.

It is natural, however, for roles to develop in relationships when certain dynamics begin to feel stuck or stagnate. This stagnancy is a sign that there is a problem. Whether you are an individual looking to understand and work through relationship issues, or a couple that wants to sort through baggage, I can help.

Call or email to arrange for an initial consultation.

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