Dialogue with An Invited Guest

Library (20 West 74^th Street, NYC)

Guest: David B. Younger, Ph.D., CGP

Topic:  Group Therapy and Chronic Illness

Our guest, David Younger, will present on two therapy groups he conducts in his practice working with persons living with medical conditions and disabilities. A proponent of integrating many different disciplines into treatment, Dr. Younger will speak about the ways in which he works with other psychologists, psychiatrists, naturopaths, acupuncturists, nutritionists, and physical therapists to help his chronically ill/disabled patients. 

DAVID YOUNGER holds a doctorate in psychology from the University of London, a master’s degree in psychology from New York University, and a master’s degree in child psychology from the Anna Freud Centre in London.  He is a trained couples therapist (Tavistock Centre for Couple Relationships, London), and a certified group psychotherapist through the Eastern Group Psychotherapy Society in New York.

This letter was written by a soldier knowing he was likely to die, reflecting from the heart about the love for his wife and children. However immense it was, he realized that he was a part of history and that his fate was beyond his control.

A week before the battle of Bull Run Sullivan Ballou, a Major in the 2nd Rhode Island Volunteers, wrote home to his wife in Smithfield.

You are exactly where you need to be at this moment.

If you change tomorrow, then tomorrow you will also be where you need to be.

You can only be who you are and where you are as a result of all of your ancestry and all of evolution, because no single event can be taken out of the context of the whole.

Change will happen when you are ready, and not because you feel it should happen, or because you feel changing something will fix things.

Never compare yourself with others.

It is only the mind that creates confusion, conflict and insecurity. You are not your mind.

Genuine acceptance is the path to inner peace.

You do not have to be, nor should you be, anyone or anyplace other than who and where you are right now.

If you want to change something, let it come from a place of challenging yourself and learning and growing and not because you want to fix yourself or make yourself more acceptable to yourself and to others. The former path leads to abundance and the latter to endless suffering.

If any or all of this resonates with you, change the ‘you’ to ‘I’ and say it out loud to yourself every day.

Try saying it while looking at yourself in the mirror.

Say it even if you don’t fully believe it.

You are your own biggest critic. You alone construct monuments to shame and insecurities. And you alone have the power to destroy them.

By David B. Younger, Ph.D, CGP, P.C.

If you lead a group
-in your private practice
-at an agency
-at a school
-at an institute
-at a training program
- at a hospital
or
If you’re curious about groups, but don’t know where to start.

Please join us for the Eastern Group Psychotherapy Society’s 2012 Annual
Conference:
“Expanding the Present: Rediscovering Tradition and Emerging into the Future
of Groups”

Friday and Saturday, November 16 and 17, 2012 at Riverside Church in
Manhattan.

-Meet and mingle with your colleagues and peers.
-Expand your skills.
-Learn something new about yourself.

There are almost 50 diverse workshops and groups!!! for you to choose from.
A small sample of titles includes:

“Promoting Neuroplasticity and Intimacy in Relationship Focused Group
Therapy” with Darryl Feldman and Gloria Batkin Kahn

“From Freud to Billy Crystal: How We Mourn Our Significant Others” with Mary
Sussillo

“New Groups: Resistances and Remedies” with Darryl Pure

and SO many more!

Workshops are filling up, so go to the EGPS website www.egps.org
<http://www.egps.org/> to see the Conference brochure and read descriptions
of the workshops. Don’t miss out on this great professional opportunity.
Make your selections and enroll now.

If you have questions, please contact the EGPS office ategps@optonline.net
or 631 385-0763.

David B. Younger, Ph.D, CGP, P.C.

The start date is Tuesday October 2nd.

The group will meet weekly from 1 – 2:15pm.

There is limited availability. Please contact me if you are interested in more information.

David B. Younger, Ph.D, CGP, P.C.

A few days ago, in the midst of my allergic haze, I sat down to meditate. I felt nauseous. I hate feeling nauseous. Who doesn’t? I started meditating and all of these thoughts came flooding to my head: “Do I need to go to a doctor? I don’t want to take an antibiotic. Is it allergies or a cold? Why am I nauseous? Does it have anything to do with the aged hummus that I ate last night? Do I have food poisoning?”

You get the picture. I was flooded with thoughts and feelings in reaction to my nausea. I reached a point where I became aware that I was swimming in this sea of neurotic panic and began to observe the thoughts and allow myself to feel the nausea for as long as it needed to be there.

This is where the amazing part comes in. Literally a few minutes after I started to do this, the nausea started subsiding. This led to more thoughts: “Is it going to come back? What’s going on? Am I a hysteric?”

But I kept returning to my breath and observing and the nausea was completely gone by the time I finished my meditation. I was literally making myself sick.

We do this all of the time without realizing it. The Buddha encapsulated our capacity for enhancing our suffering in the parable of the two arrows. The first arrow is the initial physiological sensation, which alone would be noticeable, but bearable. The second arrow is all of the reactions, thoughts and feelings in response to the first arrow. The two arrows together produce the suffering.

It is certainly very challenging to just let it be when we feel psychological or physiological pain, but the bottom line is that when we attach to it by thinking about it and wishing it away, it only serves to stoke the fire.

Try it out for yourself the next time you are in pain. Take a few minutes to breathe and recognize and allow the sensation to be there without doing anything about it and see what happens. It’s worth experimenting with. It certainly was for me!

By David B Younger, PhD, CGP, PC

Emotional deprivation is an example of a common schema that is born out of a persistent lack of empathy, nurturing, and/or protection in childhood.

The Detached Protector is an example of a mode. It is a defensive or a coping mode that commonly develops as a way of defending against the aforementioned deprivation.

The Detached Protector is characterized by numbness, and literally, a lack of connection or attachment to one’s emotional world. It can be misinterpreted as a state of contentment, because on the surface, someone with a strong Detached Protector can seem quite serene.

The Detached Protector develops in childhood as a necessary survival tool, but it doesn’t automatically switch off once one reaches adulthood and the traumatic situation is no longer present.

Dealing with the Detached Protector is one of the greatest challenges in therapy. It’s like a stubborn old soldier that doesn’t want to lay down its weapons even though the war has ended years ago. We must respect, acknowledge, and understand the reason for its existence, and convince it over time that the danger is no longer real and present, and that it is in fact safe to stand down.

Once the Detached Protector relaxes its defenses, it is possible to access one’s internal world of feelings and emotions and memories. This inevitably involves feeling pain and sadness; the same pain and sadness that was thwarted years ago. Except now as an adult, in the majority of cases, there are many more tools to deal with and process the pain, and one can learn that feeling it will not kill or overwhelm. It requires a lot more psychic energy to keep the pain at bay than to acknowledge it and accept it and let it go.

By David B Younger, PhD, CGP, PC

Couples need to refuel too, but life often gets in the way. Even five to ten minutes of quiet solo time can go such a long way. It can be spent hugging and kissing or talking about the day, but it serves the same function as for children. The biggest mistake couples make is putting their relationships on the back burner.

I recommend making it part of your routine. Remember that the happier the couple, the happier the kids!

By David B Younger, PhD, CGP, PC